Dating Women Who Only Know Survival

Today finding love can be difficult in comparison to past generations. Today, we have social media and dating apps. We have much more at our disposal to find a partner than we ever have before, yet we have some of the highest divorce rates and single-family homes than ever. Marriages are more likely to end in divorce now than they were almost half a century ago. For instance, among men whose first marriage began in the late 1980s, about 76% were still in those marriages 10 years later, while this figure was 88% for men whose marriages began in the late 1950s.*

It is more common for unmarried women to have children over married women. It has doubled since 1970. It is much more likely in dating to come across a woman that just knows how to survive. This survival is generally linked to women who are single mothers. Many single mothers are “doing what they have to do” to take care of their children. This is survival, and for many survival is all they know. From anecdotal experience, I have found many of these women to have unresolved trauma from childhood and prior relationships that do not get addressed. They show up as relationship problems.

Dating women who only know survival, you as a partner need to have a certain level of emotional maturity and intelligence. You will spend your time showing her how to thrive instead of surviving. People who only live on survival have spiraled into survival from past experiences, with some of them being traumatic. One thing I noticed in dating women who only know survival, their life is surrounded around maintenance. They embrace routine, and generally resistant to change. There is a level of contentment with being a creature of habit. Small self-love actions such as taking care of their appearance daily can be a major task.

In short, I call this survival mode. Survival mode generally comes with stress, anxiety, and a toxic focus on self. The survival mode has you so engulfed in your own issues that you neglect others. Tunnel vision develops in survival mode. Overthinking fills the mind, and focuses on the bad instead of the good that overwhelms the thoughts.

Dating women who only know survival generally have a skewed vision of what love is. Many times, love to them is receiving the type of love that they didn’t get from a parent or previous partner. If your type of love doesn’t match this, there can be issues in the relationship. When the match isn’t there this can turn into “he isn’t loving me right” or “I need someone to love me correctly.” When this is said, this is an indicator they first and foremost are not “loving themselves correctly.” They are looking to you compensate for their failure to love themselves correctly instead of just “surviving.”

Dating women or anyone for that matter who only knows survival has its challenges, but with a little patience, it can be a fruitful and rewarding relationship. It will take encouragement, understanding, grace, and patience. The best way you can help your partner who only knows survival is the support and encouragement to see a therapist who can assist in tackling past traumas. You want to encourage them to help themselves before you exhaust yourself trying to help, as that will only exhaust you. Be loving, supportive, and be mindful of your own mental stability in the relationship. This type of relationship can take a toll on a partner who is not careful.

We all have experiences in life that can affect us long term. It is how we deal with them that will gauge our happiness in life.

*Data courtesy of the Pew Research Center